Tomorrow is the 6-month anniversary of my website and I thought of celebrating it with the company of an old friend; Mrs. Depression. It seems to me that every two months or so I find myself writing something completely different from the usual (more on the happy side) articles. Without any further ado, the bi-monthly shot of condensed and liquefied depression:
Barman: What's your poison?
Me: A cocktail of dazed feelings with a slice of drugs and a splash of solitude.
Barman: This early in the morning?
Me: Why not? What's the time?
05:51
05:51 : I slowly open my sticky eyes. I am in an army-green sleeping bag. I’m facing the sky. I am outside and I’m shivering. The repetitious wave breaking reveals my location. I woke up on a beach; again. I’m all alone. With what was I on last night? Strange things drugs. I gulp a dozen. I black out. Then I find myself mixed up in random places, from time and time again. I have no recollection what so ever. I just wake up somewhere and I take it from there. So... again...
05:51 : I wake up; sticky eyes; green bag. I sit up, pushing the green. My hands are red. I shrug. My head feels strangely clear. No fog, no haze, no confusion. Bi-polarity I guess. One day up, one day down. My life story.
05:52 : My feet plunge into the sand. I feel its coldness surrounding them. I like it. Wiggling toes. I want to take a piss. The ever-repeating waves tease my bladder. Goose-bumps. I carry myself to the bank and piss in the water. My neck twitches from relief. I rub my left buttock. The wind splashes my feet with my urine. I wash my skin with salt-water. Same thing.
05:54 : I am cold. I rub my chest. Do not warm your arms when cold. Rub your chest. Warm your heart. The arms will follow. I cough. I yawn. I smile.
05:55 : A yellow sticker, partly sand-covered, nail-scratched and dampish finds its way under my foot. I bend, I take it and read “3 for the price of 2 / At Waterstone’s”. People read a lot here. Read 3 pay 2. Live once, pay forever. Read it, reach at the end, lend it, lose it, buy it again and read it again. You know you love it. Now you have a purpose. Buy 3 pay for 2. Read 1 for free. Fall in love with the free writer. Dream of being one.
05:56 : Yellow sticker in clenched fist. Don’t let it go. Don’t you dare. I tuck it in my pocket. I place my hand over it. It is safe now. Go to sleep.
05:57 : I sit on my tattered bed. I pull the curtains. I am all alone. I lean back and place my free book over my nose; like a tent of yellow paper and black cover. I try to distinguish a word. “SLEEP”. I close my eyes. I am floating.
05:59 : As I pass out I wonder where will I be next.
06:00 : …