CAMPING

I’m camping. Don’t ask me why. Ok, I had this tiny craving to kill some bears but apart from that I just don’t know. Bear hunting is cool but only if you do it the manly way. With your BARE hands. Why do you think they called them bears? It’s from bare; trust me. Any other technique is for pussies. Guns!? Knives!? What a pansy. Don’t misunderstand me, guns and knives can potentially be a lot of fun, but after you strangle your subject bear. Target practice? Hell yeah! Empty your rounds, invite your friends, rape something, whatever. There’s nothing like a piñata bear. BUT do it AFTER the strangling. Be a man for a change.

There are some other “men” here too but I hate them. Why? Because they have girlfriends. “Ooooh look at me, I have a girlfriend and I’m hugging her. And at nights, we cuddle and kiss till dawn. Then we sleep, holding each other and we don’t care about bear hunting”. WHAT A MORON ! That’s not what you’re supposed to do with a woman asshole. Even a masturbating teenager knows that. A woman is only good for one thing. Calling her names while throwing litter at her. HAHAHAHA!!! See!?!?!??? I’m laughing just by thinking of their weeping. That’s having fun with a woman. Cuddling! HUH!! Next thing you’ll be shaving your armpits together, singing along the theme from “My little pony”.
Anyway… I heard of an activity called “sex” and “supposedly” you “do” this with a woman. Since I know nothing about it, I will not say much except that IT SUCKS!!! Sex is GAY. I bet is some kind of gourmet food. It sounds French. YUCK! Munching on woman-legs. You people are sick!

Speaking of dissected people and knives that suck, there is one knife-variety, which takes the cake and fellates the baker: the Swiss Army Knife. What a useless piece of shit. I mean for fuck’s sake people. Why do you need a knife attached with scissors, a toothpick, a nail filer, pincers, a magnifying glass and a wine bottle opener? Hmm… let me ponder upon that. Is it me or do these guys plan on grooming their pretty little faces: trim their hair to the latest camping hairdo, remove the juicy meat from their teeth (or veggie bits, you vegetarian vagina), file their nails, unplug their eyebrows, look for zits and sip on their aired Cabernet-Sauvignon while holding hands? The Swiss Army Knife is the “TOY for REAL MEN”. Yeah, right!

Here’s what a real man created with his pocket-chainsaw after strangling the life out of every living thing (including rocks) and had nothing better to do:


At last, something good came out of this thing you call Art.
Oh and by the way, all you people who study ART… stop doing it! You have NO talent.

Moving on: Naturally, I’m camping alone. Who needs annoying, softy friends when I’m with Me anyway? I’m near the sea because if there is one thing I love about water is its ability to drown things. I love drowning sharks in it and then eat their crying babies alive. It rocks. I can’t believe that people use water for bathing. Jesus Christ, what are they thinking man? I mean, water is for Wet T-shirt contests and for drowning your wife AND/OR daughter in it. Everything else should be against the law.

 

I remember this one time when I was drowning my wife and daughter simultaneously, while I was watching Wet T-shirts hanging on wire, competing for the first-to-Dry prize, and at the same time stepping on grapes to make poisonous wine so the Swiss Army (wo)Men would uncork and drink and die and I was laughing.

 

Or is it…

 

Who cares? I do! Shut up! Screw you!!! DIE!!!!!!! O-K. The END.

 

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