I hate peep toes.
I hate peep toes. Even the name feels like an ice pick sniffing its way to my temporal lobes. With a bit of blood, yes. Just so you know, peep toes are shoes women wear to piss me off and re-affirm my hatred for their stupid fashions. It’s disgusting and it must be stopped right now. Nobody likes it goddamn it.
I urge you to stare at it for a few seconds and if you don't feel sick...you are sick
Scientific research proved that the amount of vomit exiting my mouth is proportional with the narrowness of the toe opening. Because no matter what, a toe will eventually thrust its way out, resembling a ripe cyst, ready to pop. Fuck! Usually helped by the oversized (that is to say FAT) hips of the “supposedly” sexy peeptoe-er, those things will get out. Don’t be fooled by their flashy paint-jobs and strass. If they were people, they will be Steve McQuinn and Clint Eastwood in The Great Escape and Escape from Alcatraz. You just know they will escape. But unlike those REAL men, the peep toes’ purpose is to make you hurl and die screaming “No, please don’t kill me Mrs. peep toe, NOOOO!!!! AAAHHHH”…
- Man, Clint Eastwood is the greatest. You wouldn’t see him prancing around with peep toes like a stupid spoiled whore.
So anyway, do you know what else I hate? Those stupid glass-like shoes that pornstars wear. I don’t get it. Who likes that? They make you ugly for fuck’s sake. Oh and in case you haven’t noticed Miss Pornstar, you are not Cinderella, you are a whore. Learn to live with it. “Oooohh, look at me, I’m a prostitute wearing glass shoes and I’ll accidentally drop one behind and my prince will find me and we’ll live happily ever after. Tee hee hee” Guess what. No he won’t. I am your fat prince and I am sitting over here, dick-in-hand, and I DON’T LIKE IT! Jesus.
Next topic: Lipstick. Lipstick sucks. It’s shitty and tastes like herpes. Don’t you dare kissing me with lipstick on. In fact don’t you dare kissing me period. I hate social and sexual kissing on the face. Unless you were eating another woman out for the past hour. If not, don’t bother coming near me. I like vaginas, I don’t know why… I like vaginas in a big bowl. With milk. Like cereals. You know, with some freshly picked clitorises and cream. Yummy. And some hair. Yes I like some neat hair. And bacon… and some eggs maybe. And sausage. NO!... no sausage!