Intro. to Creative Writing 202, assignment #3
This week we had to: Describe a place (a room, a city, a mountaintop, anywhere). Put someone in it. Introduce a second person, characterizing him or her mostly through what the pair say to each other (dialogue). See if you can get a third person to emerge from what they talk about.
Maggie
Maggie was lying, face up, on her ex-boyfriend’s mattress. The familiar cracks and fungus on the ceiling made her sigh as she realised how everything remained the same with Jack. Same old room, with the same old paint peeling off the walls, brown smudges of footprints near his bed, tacky posters of tired Heavy Metal bands and a drawing of a volcano, which he had done when he was thirteen. The volcano was the sole reason fresh paint had never touched the walls. She stared briefly at the volcano’s smoke and she remembered asking Jack (four years ago) whether it was about to erupt or had already. Jack had replied it is what it is and she had slapped him gently on the cheek, as was her habit those days, in a weird coquettish game, which he never understood but it always made them laugh.
Her eyes travelled slowly around the room, recognizing some new artefacts, like the wider computer screen, plus a half-empty water bottle, his college books, a forgotten glass of cranberry juice, and a recently used condom lying on the floor. Hanging from the wall was a dream-catcher that she had given him years ago. She felt like smiling but she could not.
Under the dim light, her right hand probed in her rugged bag for her tobacco, when suddenly her belly felt tight. She could not smoke in his room anymore. Jack had gone through cancer while she moved into another relationship, breaking all communication between them, only a week after he told her.
The door opened gently and his smiling face pushed in. They were naked. She looked cold and fragile so Jack stooped and picked the wrinkled sheet from the floor, laynext to her, and covered them both.
“Are you ok?” asked Jack. “You seem so disconnected.”
“I’m fine,” she replied.
“I missed having you in my bed. This is so great,” he said, smiling, and gave her a child-like kiss on the cheek.
She smiled with suspicion. “What has got into you? You seem so happy.”
“Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Well, gee, I don’t know,” she said sarcastically. “You always wanted to die and complained to me all the time how everything sucks and life is meaningless.”
Jack chuckled. “That changed. Cancer is not all bad you know. It can do nice things to you. Especially to your hair,” and he burst into laughter.
She looked at him, puzzled, not knowing how to react. “What, are you crazy?”
“Hey! I’m not the one who left me as soon as you heard I was dying. I have issues.” He laughed.
“For Christ’s sake. Not that again. I told you it wasn’t that.” She knew she was lying.
“Yeah right!” he said, teasing her.
“Fuck off, Jack,” and she turned her back to him, taking the whole sheet.
“Jesus. What crawled up your butt?”
“You.”
“Yeah. I wish” he said laughing.
She cracked a smile, turning briefly to look at him. He was smiling blissfully, staring at the ceiling.
Then his glance clouded abruptly. He turned towards her and said:
“You are different.”
“How do you mean?”
“I don’t know exactly. But you’re changed. It’s as if…”
“As if what?”
“As if you are dead.”
They paused.
“What did happen to you, Maggie?”
“Nothing. I don’t know.”
“But you do feel it, right? That you’re changed, that you’re different? You used to laugh and tease people all the time.”
She was quiet. Jack placed his hand on her belly and rubbed it while asking: “So what’s wrong?”
She shrugged sadly and averted her eyes.
“Do you want me to ask you questions until I find the answer, like we used to do?” She nodded. Jack knew her well. This had to involve sex in some way. Everything else she could talk about. Dead pets, problems with family or friends, could not have hit her this hard.
“I can only think of two things that could change you this much. Rape and abortion. And I don’t think it’s rape. Am I right?”
She nodded.
“I knew it. My friend Kate changed the same way. Only worse,” said Jack. “So when did it happen? Was it with Stupid?” He smiled, knowing that he should not be joking.
“I told you not to call him that.”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. You know I always do that.”
“Hm? Do what?”
“Make stupid jokes when I can’t handle a…” he struggled to find the right word, then gave up. “When something is intense, that involves feelings and stuff.”
“I always hated that about you.”
He smiled and slapped her cheek like she used to do to him. She grunted.
“Exactly. Not so pleasant is it?” said Jack teasingly.
“You used to love it and you know it,” she replied quickly but Jack did not take her up on that.
“So what happened?”
“I had an abortion and that was that.”
“I know it must be difficult for you M, but I think you should talk to someone about it. I’m willing, but I’m not qualified.”
“You mean like a psychiatrist?”
“I don’t know, but you need someone. At least talk it over with yourself. Just don’t bury it. It’s killing you. I can see it. I don’t know what else to tell you. I just think it’s wrong.”
He stopped talking. She sank into her thoughts. After a while her eyes glistened and a tear ran down her cheek. Jack wiped it away with his hand, took her in his arms and said softly:
“Hey, we’ll get through this baby. Me and you. Like we used to.”
Then Maggie cried and screamed and cried some more. Jack never left her for a second. Soon after, they fell asleep…
The next morning found her thirsty, drinking from Jack’s half-full water bottle.
My CW professor commented: very intriguing situation, stronger, I think, for not revealing how they got back together. effective writing, but more to fix than your earlier piece. B+