Lordi gave me an interview, among other things
Today, as promised last week, we’ll sit and have a chat with Lordi, the band leader and singer of Lordi. (Notice how both of their names rhyme with each other. As if they did it on purpose or something. Rate of coolness: Awesome ten!!!)
While we are waiting for Lordi to arrive I’ll tell you about my day. This morning I woke up at six, walked downstairs, kicked the dog for waking me and went up to bed. Lemmy thought it was funny too. Dogs squeal when they laugh, I think.
*door bell*
Lordi Superhero is here. I had better rush to the door.
<moments later>
- So Lordi, … errrrr… can you stop looking at me like that?
- No…
- Ok, so about your … I’m sorry but don’t your facial muscles ever get sore?
- No!!!… well maybe sometimes.
- I must tell you that people in Cyprus feel a little uncomfortable with your costumes and…
- What costumes? This is all me. I am a monster.
- …heh
- Stop it! I hate it when people look at me like that. Nobody believes I’m a monster. Why don’t you believe me? I’m real!!!.. <he cries>
- There there Lordi-pooh <I smile>
- No really, I mean what else can I do? It’s not makeup *sniff*
- Ok ok I believe you… hahaha, jesus fucking christ hahaha, I’m sorry L. but your mascara seems to be running.
- Aaaaargh…
- But seriously, hehehe, you are a good monster! < I hand him a tissue >
- Thanks.... but it’s not faiiiiiiiiiirrrrrr! < goes in a complete crying fit >
- Shut up man < I join in > boo hoo hooooo, you are fucking up my interviewwwwwwwww. This was supposed to be hilariouuuus. New people will visit my website today and you are ruining everythiiiiiiiiingggg AAAAAAAAHHHH!! <crying louder>... *sob* and now they will *sob* judge me only through this one interview, OH GOD!!!
- I AM SO SOOOOORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
God: Me tooooooooooooooo! <also crying>
Alex: Where did you come froooom?
God: I am everywhereeeeeeeee!
Alex: Let’s make out!
< after a couple of hours, three dildos and some proper gay loving >
Lordi: Oh God! That what was fantastic!
God: Thanks <winks>
Lordi: Hehe.
Alex: Oh man, this train-interview is totally derailed. Let’s try and put it back on track. I’m beat.
******
- So anyway, you are the official selection of Finland’s Eurovision song. How did that happen?
- We ate the judges.
- Cool… I must admit that I like “Hard Rock Hallelujah” but some people say it’s not as good as “Devil is a loser”. Do you plan on embellishing it with some extreme stage act and whatnot?
- YES! We’ll have lesbians!
- Fuck yeah!
God: Don’t you think people will remember the gay scene from before?
Lordi: Yeah he’s right,
Alex: Hahaha, he’s never right.
God: ......(silence)...... so, what’s up with the costume Lordi!?
Everybody: LOLLLLLLL!!!!
