ME:the screenplay
FADE IN:
EXT. – CITY STREET - DAY
It is morning. ME is walking happily down the street, with a hurried and excited step. He is hoping for a new job today. He is an assasin. ME stands nearby a high building and gazes at the top floor. The sun glares in his eyes and forces him to squint. ME is pissed off at the sun and shoots the shining bastard to pieces.
CUT TO:
INT. – BIG CORPORATION BUILDING ENTRANCE HALL – FOREVER NIGHT.
ME in full blown action, shooting at everybody for fun. He will shoot anything for a laugh. In a corner, a kid laughs also. Clearly a wanna-be. She has gold hair-locks and holds a lollipop. ME spots her and stares at her angrily. She explodes. ME was only kidding of course but what’s done is done. He shrugs and takes her lollipop. She can’t use it anyway and lollipops are cool and sweet. And by sweet I mean totaly awesome AND sweet, which is kind of like infinity; only more. WOW!
ME heads to the elevator and a stench of piss pierces his nostrils. Everybody lost their bladder control because of fear. He bends and tastes the urine. It is also sweet. Therefore, someone here has diabetes too. "Hmmm", he thinks "that's not important for the story".
ME raises and presses the elevator-button. Suddenly a ninja sneaks up on him and tries to kill him because I hear that’s what ninjas do all the time. Unluckily the ninja slips on the urine and dies from something!
A BING sounds and the elevator-door opens wide.
Twenty more ninjas are waiting for him all pissed off and shit with katana swords in their teeth; growling and grunting something about mayonese or sayonara or whatever. ME steps on them as he enters and they cry in silence. ME looks around but sees no one (the ninjas are floored). So he lets one rip and chuckles mildly. The ninjas die because something. (it is still unknown how and why ninjas die).
CUT TO:
INT. - BIG CORPORATION TOP FLOOR – NIGHT BECAUSE THE SUN IS DEAD, GENIUS.
BING. The elevator door opens and ME steps out, teething his lollipop. He “dusts” off some blood from his shoulders. Apparently someone died from bleeding lungs and he was dripping from the ceiling. At the sight of blood ME faints!!! Just kidding. ME gets so super pissed that punches a little boy’s head in a wall. The boy’s yo-yo sways in his hand, and now it's the only thing sticking out of the wall. ME takes a “Kodak moment” picture and pockets the yo-yo. Confidently, ME knocks on the BOSS’s door.
BOSS (O.S)
Enter.
CUT TO:
INT. – BOSS’s OFFICE – NIGHT.
ME enters, nods all nicely and sits wherever he likes; BECAUSE.
BOSS
What can I do for you?
ME
Want job. <---[Words like pronouns and articles are redundant to ME]
BOSS
What are your specialties?
Do you have a C.V?ME
Yes.
ME presents the black C.V. The CAMERA follows the C.V to the BOSS’s hand and ZOOMS IN.
BOSS
Hm.
ME
...
BOSS
Show me what you can do.
ME kills him swiftly and clean with a surgical precision using only a crowbar. Notice how he is unlike a sloppy ninja. A window-cleaner outside gets so excited with this visual extravaganza, and jumps off his elevating-cart, believing he can fly. He cannot fly. Seeing this, ME whips his yo-yo out and throws it at the window-cleaner to save him. He grabs it and he is saved, pendulating from the sky. Then ME drops him to take a better lick on his lollipop. ME realises what he did and laughs for a full hour.
CAMERA ZOOMS ON ME's laughing face for the whole 60 minutes.
Now he doesn’t care for his lost job opportunity. He jumps from the shuttered window and breaks his fall on the window-cleaner. He explodes even more. ME stands, picks his yo-yo up and shrugs. While whistling his way back to his house, he masterfully lands a few super cool tricks with his yo-yo. To name a few: "walk the dog", "swing the canary", "spin the tornado" and "hang the daughter"; all "wrapped up" nicely in perfection. The spectators are so amazed and masturbate.
LONG SHOT ON everybody masturbating.
FADE TO BLACK.
The End
P.S: In case you haven’t figure it out ME is me. It’s a symbolism.