MySpace and s(h)tuff.
In a couple of days it’ll be my site’s birthday. Two motherfucking years... Yep. So I’ve been feeling kind of weird lately. Uncreatively speaking. Or it could be constipation, I dunno.
I ’ve been shitting irregularly lately lady. The good ol’ rhoids are back… and they’re pissed off. Hahhaha, ah, ah, shut up. It hurts to laugh. It hurts down there, in my hamster’s lair.
Therefore, I’ve been procrastinating, deferring my toilet sessions. Then concrete-shit came, and sat nonchalantly, yet tiresome. I could see it. There’s no fooling me Mr. Craprete.…I can see you whole,
Blocking my bunghole.
I can see you thinking:
“Why am I shrinking?”It’s because you’re ol’
And I’m full of alcohol
Draining all the fluids,
Including your water-druids.So you are sadly dying
Ha-HA, you’re crying.
And now you’re turning beige,
How sad, no more Mr. Sanchez…Die Mothercrapper.
I’ve been drinking Jack Daniel’s and milk for the past two hours. Awesome drink... Barpeople in Cyprus are morons. Every time I ask for whisky and milk they act super-surprised. Oooooh, how strange and eccentric. Look out Salvador Dali... Pff, morons.
I: Bring me some whisky with milk.
Waitress: What?!?!?!
I: Double whisky, in a tall glass, with some ice, and then top it with milk.
Waitress: WHAT?!?!?!, I don’t understand. It’s so strange. You want a tall glass?
I: Yes. With whisky, ice and milk.
Waitress: Oh sweet mother of God! Wait right here.[Leaves my table and comes back with the manager. The FUCKING manager for fuck’s sake.]
Manager: So… Just to be certain… she must’ve heard you wrong, clearly...heh. Do you really want whisky with milk?
I: Yes.
Manager: Oh! This is so unexpected and random. Heh. Chaotic.
I: I will kill you.
Manager: Oh!... Yes, yes, right away.
Can they be any more stupid? What’s so strange about whisky and milk that makes everyone question their whole existence? It must have something to do with the media controlling everything but I cannot figure it out right now. Besides, LOST is about to start. Just kidding, I don’t watch that crap. Only Sex and the City, since it regulates my menstruation. I am a woman now… [10 minute pause to play with my boobs] Ok, I’m a man again.
bye four now,
P.s: The reason I started this entry was to announce my new Myspace account. Not a lot of new stuff for you guys though. But if you do have an account ADD ME AS YOUR FRIEND. You know you want to foxy lady. I think I love you.
http://www.myspace.com/toiletpaperstories