Puzzling email

I was downloading my emails the other day and as I was scanning through them to find the best possible pill to supersize my penis and fries, I stumbled upon a rather odd email which puzzled me greatly.

It said : writing fascinate eat mistress end make practice death remained wow.
What the fuck is that? I couldn’t figure it out. Then I thought emailing the sender and ask for her explanation.

 

This is what I wrote in my gangsta 'voice':

To: Shyla Gigi < nxx74rl@attitude.com>
From: < twoply@toiletpaperstories.com>

Hey biatch what’s wrong wit yo? What da ya mean wit dat? I’ll bust a cup in yo ass yo. Aaaight!? Ho!

- Thug Dogshit -

PS: Can you recommend me a good penis-enlargement pill?

 

I waited an hour and then I decided to try my Power Metal/Manowar approach:

 

To: Shyla Gigi < nxx74rl@attitude.com>
From: < twoply@toiletpaperstories.com>

Hey woman, be my leather slave and sniff my Harley boots. YEAH!! Tell me what you meant with your labyrinthine words. You are a POSER!
Explain or I will slay thee with my dragon-killing sword. A sword forged in HELL by the Devil. The bravest of Metal warriors, through war and decay, have carried it to me, so I can kill thee. YEAH! I am true metal.

- Evil Vagina (with spikes) -

PS: Please, if you know a good pill for penises, tell me.

 

After an agonizing week, she replied:

 

Dear Mr Dogshit/Vagina,

I am a Clairvoyant and I saw you in my dreams, sucking balls. My message means “Your writing might fascinate you, but it sucks. You can eat your mistress but it will not make you a better writer. End it now and stick to what you know. Make copious amounts of semen as your friends say. Practice will not work. Death will come if you continue writing. Your penis remained flaccid through this last week. You just said “wow”.

 

WOW!... Oh my shit. I want to have sex with my clairvoyant. She totally digs my writing man. OMG. She is totally awesome dude. I’ll never stop writing meaningful articles and stories for as long as I live. Hooray!

 

In fact I’m writing one right now:

 

The HOT Clairvoyant 

A novel

By

Alex Purple

 

Chapter I  

Her name was Shyla Gigi. She approached me one morning and said that I would die if I continued wri