This is not one of those article where...
“*** I was sitting at this city central Café called the “The Café”. How stupid is that I thought. Just because is in German it doesn’t give them the right to use two definite articles. It’s like saying, I am going to the Le Café. Anyway, I went in and sat by a table with six empty chairs and faced the road. The flashy cars were passing by and every time their “sexy” drivers were giving me the “The Look” I threw a grenade under their Ferraris and uttered “Oops” while giddying. If they weren’t looking I waved flags and fired flares, then BOOM!
The place was packed and people were standing around, drooling over my empty chairs. I was laughing so hard, it was so great man. Occasionally somebody approached me and asked politely for one of my unoccupied chairs. I would try and be serious about it and shake my head while saying, “I have some friends flying over from Australia in 22 hours so…” or “Only if you perform your famous fellatio on me” or “You can take only one, turn it over and Voi La seats for you and your 3 stupid friends”. Then I laughed my intestines out and finger-point them while using all six chairs by myself. One for my ass, two for legs, two for arms and one for my whipping tool and its buddies. That’s right, my lasso: Wild Bill, the humongous dancing macaroni, the spicy salami, the poisonous red mushroom, the pink nuclear head, the brown crowbar, the pubic chainsaw, the righteous dude, the ultimate biker God. Man! Life was sweet. I might add here that I didn’t order anything in 8 hours. I was just using their space and being obnoxious. Hahaha. I love me so much.
The hours were passing by when at some point I felt a mild vexation. There was a mile long traffic line with honking cars and agitated drivers. Guess what? My dick was blocking the way! And the vexation was a 20 feet bulldozer trying to push my Mr. Dick-O away. Silly buckaroo! Then we all gathered up and played a game. I would pump up my dick for some time and then I would release it onto a civilian’s car, crashing it to eternity. Everybody was rushing to squeeze through before my flesh guillotine would fall. We had a blast, the blastest of all times, let me tell you. I know what you are thinking right now: “Alex we know you rock and stuff, but don’t you think these kinds of games (crashing cars with your penis) are somewhat… childish?” And I would be quick to respond: “Well you're maybe right fair reader but I really did have some great time there and I did manage to kill another couple of hours and a couple of hundred people. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but That’s what Life is all about. It's about killing time and people, isnt' it?” and give you a friendly punch to the jaw, dislocating it. Then you would bow, admit your inferiority and fellate me as you always dreamed of. Hmmm!!...***”((( jjzzzjzzzjzjzjzjzzzzzjjjjjjzzz )))
A slight nudge. An arm is pushing my shoulder. It’s my mother’s:
Mother : You have to go to school, it’s your first day.
Me : But Mo-o-o-o-ooooommmm!
Mother : Shut up and get dressed!
Me : But I have a tummy ache.
Mother punches my stomach in. I gasp for air.
Mother: There there, all better now.
Me: Yes mom.
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No! This is not one of those articles! This is one of those written with the "Not-first-day-of-school-again" blues.
<Hushfully and to the side> School Sucks!!!... What!? Oh nothing mom, just me, being a hustle, talking to myself. Yeah, you bet. I’m coming. Is my choc-milky all nice and warm yet? ...bitch!