To-do List before I die.
1. Have sex with Angelina Jolie
2. Force Brad Pitt to watch, so he can learn.
3. Hunt and kill Kevin Costner for shooting at me from a helicopter. Though “Waterworld” should be excuse enough.
4. Fill a pool with KFC and dive into thigh-heaven.
5. Or maybe full of vaginas. Yeah I’ll do that.
6. Discuss the importance of being evil with Satan.
7. Realize that I am Satan standing in front of a mirror.
8. Make others think I don’t exist. Ooooh magic hands.
9. Drink 5 bottles of bad wine, eat 12 packs of vinegar crisps and vomit on my girlfriend once a night.
10. Clean my blowup girlfriend’s plastic skin afterwards.
11. Have kids and then star in gay porn movies to embarrass them.
12. Kiss Alice Cooper’s wrinkled ass, because his super-cool rock star side isn’t enough; I want his geriatric side too.
13. Read Joyce’s Ulysses and say nonchalantly: “it’s all about a guy masturbating on a crippled lady.”
14. Masturbate on a crippled lady.
15. Expose Michael Scofield’s hideout and personally flick the switch on his brother.
16. Down every drug Ozzy Osbourne downed and survive. Good luck self.
17. Win a life’s supply of pickles and ulcer.
18. Master my Katana technique.
19. Kill the enemy clan.
20. Not fall asleep during Apocalypse Now.
21. Discover new ways for making fun of your FAT momma!
22. Kick Tom Cruise’s ass in thumb-wrestling.
23. Say to his face: “You are a piece of shit and you don’t scare me with your lawsuits, you cock-sucking piece of shit you… L. Ron Hubbard SUCKS MY COCK” and then jump around like Duffy Duck, laughing frantically.
24. Brush my tooth.
25. Wear lipstick and kiss me on the lips to make my friends jealous.
26. Learn to count higher than twenty-six.
139. Drink every brand of German beer in two weeks. All five thousand of them .
54. Swim with a dolphin. I like to play with my food.
689. Climb up the ass of a blue whale wearing a sardine suit.
43. Kick a koala.
32. Ride in a kangaroo’s pouch shouting “Oy mate!” and buy everybody a round of beer.
879. Be a famous Kazoo player.
4469. Garnish my dick with cocaine and try to sniff it.
333. Keep at it.
211. Dick-slap my ex girlfriend one more time.
222. Read the Bible. HAHAHAHA… Ok, maybe the Book of Job and Exodus to see who’s the killer in the end.
111. Publicize the cartoon: “The Amazing Adventures of Jesus’ Hairdo”.
930. Star in “Pop, Crackle and Snap: the movie” and eat everybody at the premiere.
058. Become the Alpha male in a pack of angry wolves.
97. Grow an ugly mole and train it to sing at bad moments.
61. Devote my life in stepping on little kids’ sandcastles.
381. Play strip poker with Death and win his scythe & cloak.
712. Wear my hair up to highlight my promiscuous nature… Meow.
265. Fall on my sword in the Roman fashion after drafting my To-do list.
30e. Return to haunt Kevin Costner's sorry ass.
8===D . Stop mentioning soggy asses to avoid gay-ghost label.