Yo.
What's up!?
I'm Alex Purple and I'm a professional masturbator. I make a good living out of it but it can be risky sometimes; especially outdoors. So be careful.
* Some people say I put the Master in mastur-bation. Maybe they're right. I dunno.
* I have a website. You should visit it.
* I like writing poems. Mostly about your mother. Here's one:
Your momma is sweet
I like her much
Maybe not
but hey...
* I'm not very good at poems.
* You can find me: lurking behind trees/crying in the dark/on your couch with your wife.
* I abuse LSD, race motorcycles, hump hot babes and lie all day.
* Some of my writings are funny. Fewer are serious. Most are shitty.
* If you like my site you're cool. If not, you're probably right... but you have no friends. Hehe, Loser!