Stop sneering you cocky mines. It’s not funny. Always going off on me. Always laughing. Laughing at ME!.. I HATE Minesweeper.
I wanted to be the best. The best minesweeper in the world. That would be the life. I would have all the babes and money. All men and women would be jealous of the ass I would hit.
“Hey Alex, we love you,” everybody would say. “Thanks for saving us from those dirty mines the other day”.
And I would wink at them and boing their sisters.
Oh man. I'd be some kind of super hero. Evil warlords would capture me and they would say: “Ha-HA. You cannot escape, unless you solve this HUGE minesweeper game in only ONE second... HA-ha! It’s impossible fool, don’t’ even try it,” and I would startle them, cuffs in-hand, and say: “Pfff, maybe for you, Loser!” And I would laugh and laugh and they would say: “AAAAhhhh, I’ll get you next time Alex,” and storm off on their pogo stick, twisting their evil moustache. And then some kick-ass music would be pumping through the woofers and more babes in slutty bikinis would flood the dancefloor, wanting me. But I'd ditch them to frolic with my dog Lemmy, who is way cooler…
But no. I am condemned to failure and poverty. Damn you minesweeper. Damn you to HELL.