The Young Ninja
It was autumn. A young ninja of 10 years was living in Nicosia with his parents. He was a regular ninja one might say; dressed in black, snake-eyes, plastic sword, and of course highly secretive. Someone asked for his name once and he said nothing. He wouldn’t talk much because ninjas are stealthy but if he had to speak he would wail screams of death first. If you were the one he was screaming to, well, you were looking at the fast-approaching, swift killing of his plastic blade. YAH! His toughness was so great that one time he fell down and he didn’t cry. That is righteous.
One night, the young ninja was out to kill the neighbourhood cat because he was hungry. Cooked food offended his honour but the cat’s failure to comply led him back to the house for a ham and cheese sandwich. His mom prepared it in horror under the threat of her son’s blade. “Was I wrong to buy him that sword toy from Penny Market?” she though out loud. The ninja grunted and pushed the blade closer. Her neck would of bled right there if it was a steel blade but it wasn’t so it didn’t. That’s right. All this fuss angered him eventually and stormed out for his regular patrol. His ninja clan (the Shingu-Suki-Dicku) was responsible for the neighbourhood’s safety and they took their work seriously. Young ninja’s purpose was to save all royal maidens in distress and pretend to scorn at the task afterwards. “Humph” he would say after every winning battle. The royal maiden would try to seduce him but he would rather kill the crawling snake on her back and then disappear in the commotion. Every time. Boy he was cool. Most of the times the maiden was his sister but she only played along because her brother was a retard…kind of.
As the young ninja ‘hovered’ down the road, an old lady was walking in front of him. She was holding a bag tightly on her chest and her face was partly covered. “Hmmm” thought the young ninja, “I will follow her because she might need help or… she is a ninja spy”. The young ninja pulled down his mask, took his famous ‘surfing’ position and rushed after her. The hard-of-hearing lady quickly took notice of him though because he was wearing his tap-dancing shoes. Clack clack. The clacking was gaining pace, clack clack, then a smoke bomb and the ninja was blocking her way; scaring her half to death.
“Who are you old lady? Or should I say ninja spy with a hunch and a limb? HA!”
“I’m Mrs. Robertson” she replied.
“Oh, the one who has sex with young boys?”
“No, she’s Mrs. Robinson”
“Hmm”
“So can I go to my house now?”
“Yes, I will protect you” and he drew his sword. In the way home, he fought all kinds of imaginary monsters, enemy ninjas, evil warlords, mistresses and coked mannequins. He won each and every battle and at the end he head-butted a near tree because it had suspiciously green leaves for that time of year. He did that occasionally. Evergreen trees were a mystery to him.
Soon they were standing at the old lady’s door step.
“Thank you young man for your protection” said Mrs. Robertson.
“It’s nothing ma’am”.
“Well, I’ll go inside now, goodbye” and her keys jingled in her hand.
“You don’t fool anyone,” shouted the ninja while jumping at her and pulled off a huge hairball…with some skin. “A-HA! I got you Mrs. Robertson ” and snorted in contempt.
“Oh dear Lord, I’m calling the police” shouted panicky the old lady.
“Fine, do that.”
“I will you crazy brat.”
“Fine, I dare you”
She picked up the earpiece and dialed 199. “Yes, is this the police?”.
The young ninja was slowly backing up confused, clearly she wasn’t bluffing. He looked right and left, said something like “oh ow” and fled the room like hell. Realising the mistake, his ninja honour was irretrievably hurt. Seppuku was on his mind. “The ancient art of disemboweling one’s self is the only answer” he thought. The flexibility of his katana sword made that impossible of course but after the police left, his father beat the living crap out of him; restoring his honour.
The End.
(jiendo)
P.S: The next day found the young boy tossing his katana and his shuriken stars in the trashcan. He now roams the streets as a young... Zombie Hunter.